BEJBI is dead.

official time of death dated on september 8th 2010 a.c. (wednesday)
before i drop the issue COMPLETLY & let the wind spread her virtual, non-existing ashes around the globe, i'd like to tell her story & eventually clear up the reasons of her fortunate passing.

i think i invented her sometime around 7th grade (1st, junior high), possibly at the age of 13 or 14. i guess it's the latter when she got the name & it most probably was in winter 2004/2005, when i first got people calling me that. 'hey baby' here, 'hey baby' there. that childish, pointless & nearly psychotic behaviour of a broken little girl, it needed a cover up. it needed some trivia excuses & some trivia answers for the outside world, so cruel & so different from the one of hers.
so she wrapped herself inside the half-seethrough kitbag, tied it tight & decided not to come out. as the years went by, she got older & the fear was growing as well. the ever-strenghtening conciousnes turned out to be bigger than her & time made the pain unbearable.

then came the day that made her realize she's just way too big for the sack & she doesn't even fit anymore. the pressure tear the fabric into pieces & so she could finaly see. & be seen.

too much is too much.
& the minute it hits you, you just know, no matter how good it could've been at times, the THROE it has caused that ONE, single, PARTICULAR time is not even worth it.

& then you know you won't ever want to feel that way again. & you won't let it happen.

yes, at times you JUST know.

& that belief is much stronger than anything else.

i am, i don't need her.
the name is not important.

& so i let her go.